this is an entry from my livejournal.
this is from when I went back home California.
*********
lets recap.
I flew to california on monday after 48 hours of cuddling in our snowed in townhouse.
my body is still shaking.
we just kept on looking at each other, thinking "god we are so in love"
not an infacuated love. not a dependent love. not the kind of love that happens because so much time has passed.
love that has weathered everything imaginable. we have worked so hard at "us"
and now its paying off.
there is something so romantic about moving to a new place and calling it "our city" we don't know anyone here but eachother....so everyday is an adventure and everyday is another thing to add to our repertoire.
in this month alone in baltimore i have encountered so many firsts.
first time truly away from my family
first time truly away from anything familar
firt time driving across the united states
first time in the east coast
first time in city snow
first time experiencing the smithsonian
first time seeing REAL LIFE pandas.
first time experiencing life outside of california ( trust me on this one. we are spoiled in everyway possible - the weather- the diversity-the space)
first time working AS a photographer.
first time realizing what true, real love is.
this is it. I have a real man that will always see me as his equal. he finds beauty in all the things i have been so insecure about. in a world where its always about race.
in a society where we are always chasing what "should be" beautiful. he finds the curve of my nose beautiful. the carmel color in my skin to be perfection. he considers the darkness of my eyes; the depth of my soul. Best of all, he sees me for who i am. not my race. not my age. he understands the nature of my womanhood - as turbulent and unruly as it may be. he sees me.
my heart sank a little as i walked towards the gate of my flight.
i guess you can say I have been out of my element witht his whole move. and just like every big change it gets you thinking and asking yourself the bigger questions. and yes, i did ask myself is this all worth it?
trying to get used to life without my family and trying to learn this new city.
one thing i have come across is the more east you go in the u.s the more our country really is white or black. there isn't an inbetween. I am filipino. therefore I am the inbetween.
this has left me very conflicted. You can cut through it with a knife the racial tensions are so thick.lucas being a white man. you can imagine that i have asked a lot of questions. had my doubts. and really have been angry about how there is such a huge difference in class and race in our country. my reaction was pure human nature and it can really get heavy on the heart. but the sun came out one day. and all of a sudden it was so clear. (no this isn't a metaphor - the sun really came out one day. its amazing what sunshine can do to a person:)
but this is the very essence of why our relationship is so beatiful. we have defied all the odds in matters of race, age, whatever. the REAL important thing here is love. He was the one that taught me this.
it is easier to for everyone to like what is familar and what is the same.But how does that ever allow anyone to grow as a person? how does does that allow us to grow as a society of people?
this has never been the case for us. and that makes me happy.
we have big plans for change this year. and we will continue to break down the barriers that so many people have put up.
it is the DIFFERNCES just as much as the similarities in eachother that give us so much chemistry . or as we like to say "so much love"
now, why can't this work for everybody else? who woulda known that it can all be so simple?
it can. and i think its this philosophy that will change the world and this disease called racism. Matter of fact, something that i have just agreed on is: the best thing that you can do for anything is give it hope, give it P O S S I B I L I T Y ---and that is what i am doing right now.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
*****ALL WE NEED IS LOVE*****
I flew to california on monday after 48 hours of cuddling in our snowed in townhouse.
my body is still shaking.
we just kept on looking at each other, thinking "god we are so in love"
not an infacuated love. not a dependent love. not the kind of love that happens because so much time has passed.
love that has weathered everything imaginable. we have worked so hard at "us"
and now its paying off.
there is something so romantic about moving to a new place and calling it "our city" we don't know anyone here but eachother....so everyday is an adventure and everyday is another thing to add to our repertoire.
in this month alone in baltimore i have encountered so many firsts.
first time truly away from my family
first time truly away from anything familar
firt time driving across the united states
first time in the east coast
first time in city snow
first time experiencing the smithsonian
first time seeing REAL LIFE pandas.
first time experiencing life outside of california ( trust me on this one. we are spoiled in everyway possible - the weather- the diversity-the space)
first time working AS a photographer.
first time realizing what true, real love is.
this is it. I have a real man that will always see me as his equal. he finds beauty in all the things i have been so insecure about. in a world where its always about race.
in a society where we are always chasing what "should be" beautiful. he finds the curve of my nose beautiful. the carmel color in my skin to be perfection. he considers the darkness of my eyes; the depth of my soul. Best of all, he sees me for who i am. not my race. not my age. he understands the nature of my womanhood - as turbulent and unruly as it may be. he sees me.
my heart sank a little as i walked towards the gate of my flight.
i guess you can say I have been out of my element witht his whole move. and just like every big change it gets you thinking and asking yourself the bigger questions. and yes, i did ask myself is this all worth it?
trying to get used to life without my family and trying to learn this new city.
one thing i have come across is the more east you go in the u.s the more our country really is white or black. there isn't an inbetween. I am filipino. therefore I am the inbetween.
this has left me very conflicted. You can cut through it with a knife the racial tensions are so thick.lucas being a white man. you can imagine that i have asked a lot of questions. had my doubts. and really have been angry about how there is such a huge difference in class and race in our country. my reaction was pure human nature and it can really get heavy on the heart. but the sun came out one day. and all of a sudden it was so clear. (no this isn't a metaphor - the sun really came out one day. its amazing what sunshine can do to a person:)
but this is the very essence of why our relationship is so beatiful. we have defied all the odds in matters of race, age, whatever. the REAL important thing here is love. He was the one that taught me this.
it is easier to for everyone to like what is familar and what is the same.But how does that ever allow anyone to grow as a person? how does does that allow us to grow as a society of people?
this has never been the case for us. and that makes me happy.
we have big plans for change this year. and we will continue to break down the barriers that so many people have put up.
it is the DIFFERNCES just as much as the similarities in eachother that give us so much chemistry . or as we like to say "so much love"
now, why can't this work for everybody else? who woulda known that it can all be so simple?
it can. and i think its this philosophy that will change the world and this disease called racism. Matter of fact, something that i have just agreed on is: the best thing that you can do for anything is give it hope, give it P O S S I B I L I T Y ---and that is what i am doing right now.
LOVE LOVE LOVE
*****ALL WE NEED IS LOVE*****
