It was in front of our old house in Valley Hi. The whole family came out of the house in awe to find this thing you had built us. We knew it was from you because we felt you there. It was this 'thing' that looked like a display of all of the memories you shared with us. I remember walking to this one part of the exhibition like object and finding a large book made out of wood. inside it was all of the drawings and pieces of homework me and jasmine had shared with you. i held it to my chest and i could smell you. a mixture of your hair tonic and old books. I could feel happiness in this place. I remember looking over to my mom and it was like she was a child again. she was so happy. There were all these bobbles and things there that she would nag at you about when you were alive and we all stood there, smiling, remembering you. I think the thing that made us the most happy is that being there made us remember you. Made us think of you. You see, its been exactly 5 years since you have been gone. I still think about you. Fathers day and mother's day because you were both to me growing up. your birthday and how on your grave it says your birthday is on october 25 but you always told me that it really is october 17th but because you were from the old country people would often get that mixed up. May 31st. the day you passed away and how I was the last person you spoke to. You waited for me. You were mentioning to me that you were *blessed* to have lived so long to see your great grandchildren, noah and brenden. How you came to realize this because grandma and granpa told you so
(they had passed away many years prior)
I offered to bring you filipino food and asked if the pain was worse than the last time you were in the hospital. I remember clearly, when i said,excitedly I will bring you Bopis. You said to me, Bopis? and smiled big. I kissed you on the forehead and looked you in your eyes, and said, I love you grandpa. You looked at me and simply said I love you, too.
The next day, I had a dream of you smiling. it was simply your face, and you were smiling. I went to work and received a phone call from janelle who said, come to the hospital. I knew deep down you were gone, but I didn't want to believe. I arrived at the hosptial to our whole family crying. We were all in shock. and I still think we all are. It will never go away.
This dream of you was a bit confusing to me at first. You were here with us again. We were all there with you as you showed us that you haven't forgotten us either. I woke up and kept very still as if you were in the room. It felt that real.
I finally let it all settle and came to realize that 'thing' you showed us is maybe a glimpse inside your heart. inside your heaven and how you are keeping our memories and our love alive there with you.
If only I knew what I know now. I would tell you thank you. I think what our culture lacks, what our society lacks is to remember to teach our children how to be good people. never mind what you become, what your occupation is. but how to live an honest life, how to respect one another. How to love and provide for people. Granpa, you never were extravagant. You were a hard-working,kind,honest man. You were the strongest person i knew. You showed me love. I am the woman I am today because of you. Because you simply just were you. I miss you and I love you always. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I can make you proud. I hope one day. just like my dream, we will all be together.
