boo hoo the perils of the unemployed.......

okay. so my arch enemy being unemployed...is not not having money
its not "the man" it is actually Billy FUCKIN Mays.

**dude isn't that such a gnarly picture! whoa man.
i always have trouble sleeping and i think unemployment intensifies it.
yesterday i even had quite an eventful day! I woke up butt crack early to
take an assessment test for Verizon Wireless. I think I did okay. Me and lucas then went to the historic Federal Hill to get bagels and found this amazing furniture boutique. He took me home. I chillaxed then we went back to the neighborhood when we got home to try for the first time Maryland steamed crabs. it was incredible. I cut my finger cause got DOWN on them crabs. it was delicious.

We went back to light street and checked out American Apparel. picked up a racer back tank and vintage red striped tube socks. checked out doggie style and got Jerry a doggie toothbrush and an adorable polo shirt
we have a friend that lives in federal hill and we were chatting about how lucky she is to live in such a great neighborhood and how fabulous her house is...and then we ran into her! anyways we ended up hookin up and got super drunk off of mimosas
got home...pooooooooped and drunk. and 3am i wake up nand couldnt go back to sleep cuz i woke up to fuckin BILLY MAYS screaming I CAN GIVE YOU AFFORDABLE INSURANCE!
***insurance? fuckin insurance?
not orange glo. not the face shaving thing. not the hercules hook or that damn magic putty. he is selling fuckin insurance! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh and screamin about it.
yes yes i know tv rots your brain. especially billy mays!
on another note...tv is still very entertaining hahahaha
i am home right now watching the marathon of project runway season 1. makes me want to learn how to sew and make my own shit. i get in these weird moods when it comes to fashion. I want to create and i totally love clothes but at the same time it can be a circus. and models. fuckin models are just ridiculous to me. there was this one part on the very first show that the models were walking trying to show the designers how they look like and its like. are you serious? so Jay (season 1 winner) was like a breath of fresh air with his humor. Particularly when Jay was dressed like Jesus! i think we have the same humor. lol
ahhhhhhhhhhhh save me from myself!

proof if you put your whole heart into anything...

This is proof that if you put your whole heart into anything that you do... you will be successful.

I never really liked "bleeding love" by leona lewis but this clip from so you think you can dance really got me teary eyed. matter of fact i get teary eyed every time i watch it. enjoy

So you think you can dance-bleeding love


on another note...i just got back from california. It was my third trip back since I have lived in maryland. I think Jerome's comment on the frequency of my trips has really allowed me to open up my eyes on my emotional state and how i have been dealing with my homesick-ness and how being away from my family is driving me crazy. but at the same time I need to realize that moving away, starting a new life and exploring what the world can really give you holds a lot of weight in the grand scheme of things. I need to remember how brave I really am. I think I just let fear get the best of me. in this week alone i have experienced 4th of July on the East coast. I think back west its just a show. fireworks, bbq...but being in the east coast and living only 5 minutes from where the Star Spangled Banner was written has really allowed me to fully enjoy the 4th and remember how great it is to be American. How all these things -- my culture, my passions, my beliefs, my life is only possible because i live in such a great country filled with possibility. today,I promise myself after being depressed for a month (traumatic past + having no work will do that to you) I will give 100 percent of my heart to whatever I feel is right. No more being scared. No more being guarded. I need to be myself again. yeah...kinda went off on a tangent there but it does tie into the video. like I said, putting all of your heart and all of your emotion into something will give you a happy and fulfilling life. will give you true success. hahah no more auto pilot. so here i come, Baltimore, full force! watch out now:)

for my grandpa

I saw you in a dream last night. It was so colorful and vivid,detailed.

It was in front of our old house in Valley Hi. The whole family came out of the house in awe to find this thing you had built us. We knew it was from you because we felt you there. It was this 'thing' that looked like a display of all of the memories you shared with us. I remember walking to this one part of the exhibition like object and finding a large book made out of wood. inside it was all of the drawings and pieces of homework me and jasmine had shared with you. i held it to my chest and i could smell you. a mixture of your hair tonic and old books. I could feel happiness in this place. I remember looking over to my mom and it was like she was a child again. she was so happy. There were all these bobbles and things there that she would nag at you about when you were alive and we all stood there, smiling, remembering you. I think the thing that made us the most happy is that being there made us remember you. Made us think of you. You see, its been exactly 5 years since you have been gone. I still think about you. Fathers day and mother's day because you were both to me growing up. your birthday and how on your grave it says your birthday is on october 25 but you always told me that it really is october 17th but because you were from the old country people would often get that mixed up. May 31st. the day you passed away and how I was the last person you spoke to. You waited for me. You were mentioning to me that you were *blessed* to have lived so long to see your great grandchildren, noah and brenden. How you came to realize this because grandma and granpa told you so 

(they had passed away many years prior) 

I offered to bring you filipino food and asked if the pain was worse than the last time you were in the hospital. I remember clearly, when i said,excitedly I will bring you Bopis. You said to me, Bopis? and smiled big. I kissed you on the forehead and looked you in your eyes, and said, I love you grandpa. You looked at me and simply said I love you, too. 

The next day, I had a dream of you smiling. it was simply your face, and you were smiling. I went to work and received a phone call from janelle who said, come to the hospital. I knew deep down you were gone, but I didn't want to believe. I arrived at the hosptial to our whole family crying. We were all in shock. and I still think we all are. It will never go away. 

This dream of you was a bit confusing to me at first. You were here with us again. We were all there with you as you showed us that you haven't forgotten us either. I woke up and kept very still as if you were in the room. It felt that real.

I finally let it all settle and came to realize that 'thing' you showed us is maybe a glimpse inside your heart. inside your heaven and how you are keeping our memories and our love alive there with you. 

If only I knew what I know now. I would tell you thank you. I think what our culture lacks, what our society lacks is to remember to teach our children how to be good people. never mind what you become, what your occupation is. but how to live an honest life, how to respect one another. How to love and provide for people. Granpa, you never were extravagant. You were a hard-working,kind,honest man. You were the strongest person i knew. You showed me love. I am the woman I am today because of you. Because you simply just were you. I miss you and I love you always. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope I can make you proud. I hope one day. just like my dream, we will all be together. 

oh wow

i am not an american idol fan follower at all but i am a sucker. i mean, i literally melt if someone can sing. so seeing this performance made me cry a little bit. i hope he wins.:)

the latest and greatest

here are the latest and greatest from the last 2 months.

Create a Free Slideshow

** this is my first time using this thing. Here are the two shots that got cut off:( sorry!



p.s i finally fixed it! no more steeeewpid music.

yay!

my cali trip was crazy!
good food, good friends. i don't think there was a sober moment. honestly. I kept on singing the hook to that one tupac song, " califORnia knows how to paarrty. lalala
sacramento is truly a beautiful place. I was at my bbq and thought to myself: there are so many different types of people here. we can have a thugged out pimp or a emo girl from downtown at my party and there would be no drama. and Sacramento is the only place in the world where it aint no thang!:) as long as we are nice and appreciate the food.

cheers to pandas!

yay!